Be. U. TY Podcast is Here! The podcast will help you unveil your authentic self so you can show the world who you are confidently. In today’s episode, our host Adozie Duffy talks about the stories we tell ourselves. The stories that so attached to us that we don’t even separate ourselves from the story.

Quotes

“ We think the stories we have about ourselves are so true, we often think of ourselves and our stories as one in the same.”

“ We have no idea what the future holds for us, but we use our past experiences as a map, so that we can feel a sense of control over our futures.”

“Story should help us feel good about ourselves and the possibilities for our lives.”

“The faster you can see that you have options, the faster you can get out of some of the emotional turmoil you’ve gotten yourself into.”

What to watch for:

2:26 – What are the stories that we’ve been telling ourselves.
4:50 – Using stories we’ve had about our past as a means to determine what is possible for our future.
7:00 – What our stories could look like.
9:55 – Story should help us feel good about ourselves.
11:17 – We think of the story without the judgments and just stick to the facts.
17:43 -Just feel good about yourselves.
19:21 – The exercise & and worksheet

Connect with Adozie

adozie@beuthankyou.com

Instagram

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Resources

Free Stuck in Stories Worksheet: click here

Transcript

Hello Girlies! How is everyone doing today?

& welcome back.

I am a person. I have had 3 relationships for varying length of time that are all no longer happening presently. I am a person who knows how to be fun & interesting at times. Sometimes I express myself, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m difficult,sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I’m stubborn, sometimes I’m not. I care about people.

That is an entirely different take on the situation, don’t you think? Now I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to think that parts of you could use improving, Like if you’re someone who wants to get better at expressing yourself because you think it will make your relationships easier, I think you should definitely go for it. But when you say things like ‘I’m bad at, or I can’t express myself’ you are literally missing half the picture. sometimes you express yourself, and sometimes you don’t. That’s at least ½ the time. it’s not no times, it’s sometimes. I can’t you see how sometimes, gives us some wiggle room? It gives us some movement & breath in this story we have about ourselves, and gives us some space to look at it with new eyes. Sure you aren’t perfect (not that that exists) but don’t you think that most people are sometimes stubborn, & sometimes don’t express themselves but how that’s not = to unlovable?

When you take out all the harsh judgments and jumping to conclusions, doesn’t this just sound like the experience of a normal human person? That sometimes we do better than other times? & isn’t that part of what a relationship is all about? That we show up to it as we are, and maybe even the relationship can help us to evolve? I’m not saying you need a relationship to evolve, I’m just saying that, isn’t it easier to see how most people probably don’t wait until they’re never stubbon & expressing themselves with ease, to get into a relationship? Those aren’t like the universally prequalifiers to having & finding a happy relationship, those are just things your brain is choosing to fixate on because it knows you, & it knows how to keep you safe by scaring you into hiding.

lol, isn’t that sweet of it?

okay, now the biggest leap of it all, let’s turn this neutral story into a positive one.
I have been loved in a relationship 3 times. I choose to leave relationships when I feel they are no longer serving me. I’m a fun & interesting person, and I can learn to be that way more often than not. I’m learning how to better express myself, and that’s a quality I think someone would be proud to see their partner working to develop. I can be stubborn and hard headed, but that’s just because I know what’s important to me, but I can learn to be open to listening to what other people are telling me, especially if I respect the source. I care about people deeply, and even if a relationship is only for a short period of time, I do think the experience is worth it, because that person is part of my life story, even if it’s only for a short period of time.

Now, can you see how that story isn’t perfect. It’s not about looking at ourselve with rose-tinted glassed and pretending like everything is just fine and dandy & needs to extra attention. But can you see how that story tells the same circumstances, but from the angle of compassion & even hope? It’s a story that paints us in a position where we are giving ourselves the opportunity to change if we want to, or not change if we don’t want to. But we aren’t making every one of our characteristics about ourselves negative. We are just allowing ourselves to see that there are options. that we have choices. We can look at 3 relationships ending, or we can look at the fact that we had 3 relationships at all. It’s up to us! But the faster you can see that you have options, the faster you can get out of some of this emotional turmoil you’ve got yourself into, and the more you can open yourself up to the juicy possibilities of the unknown.

 

It isn’t a matter of fact that what you say about yourself is true. I would go as far as to say that most of our perceptions of ourselves are wildly inaccurate. Because it is so close to us, we judge it more harshly & are tougher on it. It is just that because it is you, you tend to paint it with a negative tint. But when you can put some space between you & your story, can’t you see it is easier to see that that’s all it is? 

It’s just an angle you took on your life that you’ve committed yourself to believing. & that’s not because you’re bad, or because you’ve done something wrong. But that’s because you’re human, & being right about the future is a tactic we use to feel safe. So we double down on a belief even if it hurts us, because it is safer for us to be right and small, then to think big & risk being wrong.

But when we look at it rationally* we can see that we can’t know if we’re right regardless. No matter how much we hunker down on a story we have about ourselves, or others, there is no way for us to actually predict the future. Believing these stories we have about ourselves is essentially just a coping mechanism & it really isn’t even that effective. Because it takes us out of the reality in a lot of situations. It keeps us from seeing the good & the potential of who we are, or who we could be.

If we already know that it’s unlikely that we are accurate about ourselevs or our story, why can’t we look at it from a positive perspective. What do we gain from believing that our negative viewpoints of ourselves are the more accurate version? If we’re our perspectoce is off either way, why not cut ourselves some slack & go with the nicer version? 

So starting with the story you tell yourself is incredibly powerful. There are  a million different conclusion that could be drawn from the same experience. Your brain just picked one & ran with it. & has just been regergitating the same tired-ass story to you, because that’s the most efficent thing for it to do. Not because it’s inherently true, but solely because your brain just wants to conserve energy. So it’s time for you to take the reigns of that part of your brain & give it some direction.It’s time to start telling your brain what’s actually good for it, & it’s time to start replacing that negative narrative with positive one that actual serves you. It’s time to override that default setting your brain is on, & it’s time to give yourself the power & control over yourself & your life that you deserve. 

 So I want you to sit with yourself & try this exercise. 
I have gone ahead & created a worksheet for you so that you have some guidance around this exercise, & can have a place to keep all of this amazing insight to yourself handy. You can download it by visiting my website @ BEUthankyou.com/episode3 that’s Beuthankyou.com/episode3 & we can really move forward in a way that is going to make your life so much lighter & easier.
It doesn’t all have to be done at once. 
You can start with your current story & then turn it neutral, and then come back and turn your neutral story into a positive fictional story you are writing for your best friend.

Thanks guys (;