Be. U. TY Podcast is Here! The podcast that will help you unveil your authentic self so you can show the world who you are confidently. In today’s episode, our host Adozie Duffy talks about the concept of your inner critic. It can help you change your own perspective of what’s actually a big deal and what’s not. And when you can get kind of used to incorporating this into your life, you can then kind of see how it’s all kind of dumb and silly and funny, our brains is, being a human and being a woman.
“ So because our brains cannot fathom the idea of our parents being imperfect, it makes up that gap by putting the imperfections back onto ourselves”
“ Judge Youdy isn’t you. She is who you are at your truest form. She is just as sassy lady who judges the fuck out of you, as a means to keep you safe and small.”
“If you can start to see and separate yourself from The Judgmental side, you can have room to examine where it is all really coming from.”
“ We always have a choice. We absolutely always do. And if you think that you don’t, that ain’t you, that’s Judge Youdy.”
What to watch for:
1:19 – We spend a lot of time listening to the voice in our head that tells us we’re wrong.
3:04 – Judge Youdy
4:58 – Judge Youdy was created at a young age in order to make us feel safe.
5:53 – The problem really comes when we start thinking that Judge Youdy is a true speaker, and that we should always listen to her.
7:57 – Separate yourself from The Judgmental side
8:16 – We have to learn to top down Judge Youdy, with our true self.
14:17 – Choose yourself
Connect with Adozie
We spend a lot of time listening to the voice in our head that tells us we’re wrong. The one that tells us we aren’t good enough, that tells us we don’t belong. For each person this voice gets triggered by entirely different circumstances. Some of us hear it when the stakes are really high, while others of us hear it during what some would consider to be extremely mundane & typical life tasks.
I want to clue you in on a little something about this critic. It’s a big fat lying bitch. Lol If this side of you could come out & walk next to you, you would notice how negative, rude & just down right negative this little trick was. I’m going to call her Judge Youdy. Because she is a very disagreeable girl who just wants to bring you down.
& you might be wondering why we have something like this inside of us? Why would there be a part of us that seeks out negativity & wants to believe we are small, or incapable?
& listen, there are a lot of premises from how this develops inside of us. One of the ways we know is that it happens at a very young age. When we are young, it is hard for us to understand & cope* with the fact that our parents & people outside of us are not perfect. So because our brains cannot fathom the thought that our parents could be imperfect, it turns that gap in consistency onto ourselves. It says, well our parents can’t be wrong, so we must be. & we have since been practicing that thought pattern incessantly since a young age. It is so engrained in us, that most of us don’t even notice.
Many of us don’t realize that this critic, Judge Youdy, was created at a young age in order to make us feel safe. It was created because we couldn’t take care of ourselves, so we needed to have unshakable faith in the people who were able to do so. We couldn’t allow ourselves to questions them, so we questioned ourselves. & for every person this happens at a different time. Right? Some of us start having the Judge come at us at a really young age, while some of us don’t really start to critic ourselves until our teens, or even later. Everyone is different. But everyone has one.
Even if you had a fantastic childhood, you will still find that you have the Judge, because it is a natural occurrence of the human brain to try to correct inconsistencies, no matter how big or small. & a lot of us grew up without a lot of open communication & space to process what we were feeling at any given moment, so we internalized these things, & thus judge Youdy was born.
Now, I don’t want you to think of this side of you as all bad. It really developed as a means to protect you. As a means to make you feel safe, or make you feel like you had control over situations when that wasn’t the case, & all around it was made as a shield.
The problem really comes, when we stop recognizing this part of us as a separate shield, as a sassy Judge who just wants us to do our best & therefore is always looking for wrongs to be righted. When we start thinking that Judge Youdy is a truth speaker, & that we should always listen to her, that is when we see problems. Because judge Youdy isn’t you, she isn’t who you are at your truest form, she is just a sassy lady who judges the fuck out of you as a means to keep you safe & small.
& you might wonder, well why would she do this? Well, because it works! Right? Because our thoughts are so powerful. We don’t actually have to be experiencing true harm or danger in order for our body to create the sensations inside of us, as if it were happening in real time. So for Judge Youdy, this is the perfect tactic. Because if she can convince you now, about all the terrible things you are going to feel if you actually do the thing that scares you so much, then she can keep you safe & sound inside. I mean if it feels this bad now, just imagine if you were actually doing it?
She’s a clever bitch, huh?
But I want to tell you, that she was only developed to protect you, & ultimately that is still her goal. She can protect you in ways that aren’t so harmful, if you show her a new way. She’s just been doing things this way for so long, that the habit & the pattern has been formed, but it doesn’t mean it can’t change. She’s just never been asked to change. & she’s had such successful results thus far, why should she?
But if you can start to see and separate yourself from the judgmental side, you can have room to examine where it is all really coming from. Is it coming from a fear you have of being judge by others? So Judge Youdy is just mimicking what she thinks other people might be thinking of you? Are you afraid of failing? So Judge Youdy is pointing out all the things that could go wrong so that you don’t have to actually go through with it & experience the events themselves? Is it coming from your fear of rejection? So Judge Youdy is pointing out all the flaws you have so that you can reject yourself ahead of time, to keep from experiencing the pain of someone elses rejection?
There are so many ways this critical side comes up, & of course there are so many opportunities for it to come up when we are putting ourselves out there, or trying to go after something we really want, or seems far fetched for us. That bitch will always be lurking in the corners because she thinks she is doing you a favor. & for awhile maybe she was. But as time goes on, & you see other people going after things you want, & living a life that you are envious of, Judge Youdy no longer serves us, because the desire for us to live our life to the fullest begins to be bigger than the fear of failing. & maybe even the fear starts to grow around not doing the thing, as opposed to having the fear revolve around doing the thing poorly.
& when we reach this point, is when we have to find practical ways & sustainable tools that allow us to push past the fear & negative self-talk & lean into our soul’s truth. The things that light us up just by the thought of them.
But when Judge Youdy shows up, she can be really convincing. & I feel you girl. I have had my share of life* freezing thoughts. But that’s the thing. That’s all they are. Just thoughts. & in order for us to go for the things we really want, we have to learn to talk down Judge Youdy, with our true selves.
This is where a lot of us tend to confuse our thoughts with our circumstances. We are so committed to listening to Judge Youdy, & being stuck, that we often times let the belief that things aren’t possible win. Because we convince ourselves that there is no way out of, or around our situation.
But we always have a choice. We absolutely always do. & if you think that you don’t. That ain’t you, that’s judge Youdy. She’s clouding your mind & you judgement. She wants to make it hard for you to see a way out of your situation. & when you believe her, it is really hard to come up with new & inspiring & inventive solutions to the things in life that you feel are holding you back or keeping you small.
So in times when you are feeling stuck & that you have no choice in a matter, I want you to ask yourself, is this true? Or is this Judge Youdy? A little ‘Judge Youdy, bitch is that you?’ is always a fun way to knock some sense into the situation. (rattle your brain a little bit)
A lot of times, we are jumping conclusions, & making huge sweeping claims about our lives without any evidence. We are doing a lot of judging of ourselves & our situations without any concrete evidence that the things we are even saying about ourselves or are circumstances are even still true, or maybe were ever even true for ourselves. We are just repeating thought patterns that are guaranteed to keep giving us the results we already have right now.
& sure, that means we are guaranteed to our comfort. We are guaranteed to continue down the “safe” path, & to continue to be “realistic” with what is possible for us in our lives.
But where is the fun in that? & what if ever person in the world always put their comfort first? If that’s what humans were really meant to do, then why the fuck are you able to listen to me coming through your speakers through jumping through time & space. Like what? Humans are meant to poke around, & look under things, & try something they’re not supposed to, & get it wrong & then try again. That’s how we’ve been & that’s how we’ll always be. Why try to fight the inevitable?
Regardless of if you take the big risks or not. Your life is going to be filled with amazingness & fucking hardships. It’s going to filled with delightfulness & it’s going to be filled with things that break your heart. Don’t you atleast want those things to be happening within the things that you actually want to do on this earth? You’re going to feel bad no matter what. Wouldn’t you rather feel bad on your way to accomplish something you’ve been longing for, as opposed to feeling bad doing the thing that’s not even bringing you that much joy?
I know what sounds good to me. & yeah, judge Youdy might need a little extra attention & coaxing in the beginning to get her on your side. But once your game, she will follow suit. Because she just wants to help. You just have to teach her how she can best support you. & yes, sometimes that might mean being a little judgy, but what you don’t have to make that mean you should stop. Or that she’s right. You can just thank her for the unique perspective & keep doing you.
Okay girlies, that’s everything I’ll talk to you next week. Bye byeeee (: