Be. U. TY Podcast is Here! The podcast that will help you unveil your authentic self so you can show the world who you are confidently. In today’s episode, our host Adozie Duffy talks about consistency and how it actually looks way different than what we imagined for ourselves.
“It is possible to have a lot of responsibility and move through them, thoughtfully and consciously and then step out of that, and enjoy your life in your free time and relax.”
“We overestimate what we can get done in the short run, and we underestimate what we can accomplish in the long run.”
“We set ourselves up so that we literally aren’t allowed to enjoy ourselves, unless we do a good job.”
“We have it in our heads that, if we can’t see results right away, It’s not working, but that’s absolutely not true.”
“It’s important for us to learn how to value and apply incremental progress, doing just a little bit at a time, because we know that a little bit is literally more than zero, we don’t need to do everything all at once.”
“Doing things consistently means doing it even when you aren’t overly excited or stimulated. It means doing it even when you don’t feel like doing it. It means doing it even when it sucks.”
What to watch for:
00:37 – Insight into the most recent thing that’s broken my brain
04:04 – Confusion is just a form of being scared
12:18 – Consistency
15:24 – Procrastination
20:26 – Do something a little bit
27:10 – Feeling better about yourself
Connect with Adozie
Hey girlies! So today I want to talk about a huge phenomenon that is killing us all. Not to be dramatic.
This little monster is robbing us from getting what we want out of life, but also from enjoying a lot of our life.
Because if we aren’t doing what we’re “supposed” to be doing, then a lot of us will rot with anxiety. So it’s like we are all operating in a way that is like putting so much stress on ourselves at all times.
I feel like there is this running joke I see on social media where it’s like did you get anything done today? – no. Did you at least rest & relax today? Also somehow no.
& I do think that it’s funny, don’t get me wrong. Because I did relate to this way of life for a very very very long time. But I want people to understand that that’s not the default, like even in this day and age where we have 1 million responsibilities & have all this access to the whole world & have like the world at our fingertips, we should be able to relax & get all the good out of life that there is here waiting for us.
We should not have to be in a constant state of stress & worked up & anxious up until the point that we have a glass of wine at night & just fucking turn off.
There is such a thing as balance, & I think too many of us fall into the trap of believing that life is just supposed to be filled with high highs & low lows. Like absolutely not, it is possible to have a lot of responsibility & move through them thoughtfully & consciously & then step out of that & enjoy your life & free time & relax. There is no need for us to be “on” all the time. All this causes us to do is fucking crash.
So it’s like we’re going going going & then we burn ourselves out & then we crash really fucking hard. & the we gotta pick up all the pieces & start over.
To me, this comes a lot from us wanting to get too much done in the short run. So we set some crazy goal or some crazy deadline for ourselves & then we force ourselves to fit into this window just out of pure lack of patience & then we make this ridiculous deadline & then we fucking crash & burn & then the deadline ends up being pointless anyways because what we have to do to sustain this level of work is impossible so then it all goes bye bye & we have to either start from scratch or we give up on the idea all together because fuck that noise. & then what’s funny is we come up with a new idea & then we enact this same process on this new thing & experience the same exact pattern, but we don’t notice because the thing we’re doing is different, even though the process in which we do it is exactly the same.
For example, let’s take losing weight. When most of us approach weight loss, we don’t do it from a chill, long term, sustainable angle. We don’t just want to lose a little bit of weight, but we want to lose all of the weight & we want to have lost it yesterday, am i right?
We think okay, I want to drop 10 lbs by the end of the month. & so maybe we start the first week by cutting out some random food like carbs? I don’t know. & then we are like, okay so now i need to exercise everyday do this to be worth anything. & it definitely has to be for at least an hour. & it should be all cardio. & ooh you know what’s going to motivate me ? I’m going to buy myself a dress that’s 2 sizes too small & use that as motivation. & then I’m also going to meal prep every single day & this is going to be awesome. & so we set all these brand new life standards for ourselves out of nowhere & then we’e like okay now go! & then maybe we have like 3 days, or a week of doing these ridiculous tasks & then next thing you know, day 4 when we’re supposed to be out for our run, we find ourselves on the couch with chips & Netflix baby!
& then after we mess up this once on a Thursday, we tell ourselves that’s okay i’ll just start on Monday. & then when Monday comes & we haven’t started again, we say well now i have to wait until next Monday. & then we get in this cycle until we’ve completely forgotten about the goal of losing 10lbs altogether until we’re going through our closet & we see that goddamn dress we bought for ourselves & then we beat ourselves up & feel like dirt.
Does this sound familiar to anyone?
& maybe for you it’s not weight loss, but organizing your entire home, or learning a new language or saving $10,000.
Whatever it is. A lot of us indulge in the all or nothing pattern of goal setting.
We give ourselves these impossibly high standards to live up to & inevitably set ourselves up for failure as we are trying to do a 180 on our entire life in like 1 week. & 1 month if we’re feeling remotely reasonable.
But hi, as you can imagine, it’s me & i would like to offer you a different solution yes?
A lot of us feel like it’s not worth it to do something a little bit. We think that if we are just barely doing something, nothing will come of it, so it is pointless to do it at all.
But I want you to really listen to this fact about humans: We overestimate what we can get done in the short run & we underestimate what we can accomplish in the long run.
Because of how we are hard wired, we value & prioritize the now. So we have trouble seeing how doing a little bit now could amount to anything but a little bit later. But if you think about how growth works, it compounds over time. Meaning a little bit at time will stack on top of itself & eventually turn into a lot.
& I’m not even talking like the difference between 1 week & 5 years. I mean like the difference between 1 week & 3 months. We have it in our heads that if we can’t see something righ away, if we can’t see results right away, that it’s not working. But that’s absolutely not true.
If you wrote 10 words a day for a year you would end up with 3,650 words. That’s way more than 0! Yes?
So it’s important for us to learn how to value & apply incremental progress. Doing just a little bit at a time, because we know that. A little bit is literally more than 0. We don’t need to do everything all at once, not only because it’s unnecessary but because it literally doesn’t work!
I like to think about it like this. I’m going to continue living until I’m not. I’m going to wake up day in & day out until I randomly don’t. & when i don’t honestly, it’s none of my business anyways. Until the moment comes that I turn off forever, i have to be doing things anyways. So why not just do a little bit of what i want to be doing all the time, instead of thinking of it like I only get to do it for a short period of time. Like 1 month? Why don’t I try to incorporate it so I’m doing it a little bit all the time stead of looking at it like I have to do it & get it over with?
Like, get what over with? Life? What is my real aim when I’m trying to do that? I’m trying to literally rush through my own life? How is that helpful to me?
Now, one reason I do think some of us are prone to do this, is because we don’t have a lot of faith in our abilities to keep up with something. So we think okay there’s no way I’m going to do this forever, so while I have my attention & interests, lets see how much i can do now.
But i want to offer you that the reason you are so concerned about getting it all crammed in this small window of time, is because you are worried you won’t be able to get yourself to do it again. & i want to let you in on a little secret, the reason you have trouble getting yourself to do it again, is because you are waiting for this moment to start. You are waiting for the moment when you’re filled with motivation & excitement & gusto to do it. But that’s not how doing things consistently actually works. Doing things consistently means doing it even when you aren’t overly excited or stimulated, it means doing it even when you don’t feel like doing it, it means doing it even when it sucks. Lol
I mean, think about the things in your life that you do consistently. Like brushing your teeth, or your skincare routine, or driving your kids to school or making coffee in the morning. It’s not absolutely thrilling, but it’s fine & you can see the importance of doing it every single day.
That’s the type of relationship you need to have with the goals & results you want to create for yourself. It just needs to become part of your routine. & making these huge declarations & ridiculous expectations is not going to be the way you make it happen. What’s going to do that, is small bite sized change. Change that is approachable & sustainable. & expectations that are much, much, lower.
Like let’s take the weight loss example. Imagine if you told yourself you were going to lose 10 lbs in 6 months. How much differently could you approach this task knowing that you had an ample amount of time to complete it & also knowing that you were giving yourself permission to start slow & adjust?
It wouldn’t feel so forced because you would know that you were on your way & that things take time & that if you’re going to get the results no matter what, the wait is worth it.
You don’t have to doom yourself into getting shit done. Please, it doesn’t help & it’s stressing us all out.
Now I also want to remind you of a very important aspect to anything we want in life. The only reason we want anything is because of how we think it will make us feel.
Remember? So let’s say you want to lose 10 lbs. The only reason you want this is because you think losing weight will make you feel a certain way.
Right? You think being skinnier is going to make you happier. It’s going to make you like your body more which will make you feel attractive. It’s going to make you fit into your clothes which will make you feel sexy. You will be feeling more confident so then you can go out & conquer your dating life. Whatever it is.
I want you to remember. What is it that causes our feelings? It’s not the circumstance. In this instance, the circumstance is weight loss. Weight loss does not cause you to feel confident.
It is your thoughts about a skinnier body that causes you to feel confident. Not the skinnier body.
So knowing this, do you need to actually get the thing to feel what you want to feel? No, you can choose to start feeling that way now.
You don’t have to wait to lose weight to feel confident about your body. You can start doing that right now.
& if you felt confident about your body as it is, would you still want to take the time to lose weight?
I don’t know. It’s just a question. But I want you guys to be aware of your reasons behind some of the goals & results you want in your life.
If you like your reasons, then by all means, go for it.
But if you are trying to accomplish all these things as a means to make yourself feel better about yourself. You can stop & just change your thoughts & feel better now!
& from a place of feeling better about yourself, all the things you do decide to go out & accomplish are going to be that much more worthwhile, because you’re not withholding anything from yourself. You’re not holding your happiness captive. Because remember how it feels right now is how it’s going to feel once you’ve accomplished the goal.
I don’t say this to crush your dreams, i say it to give you freedom. The freedom to put your sights on the things you actually want to do, that are exciting to you. Not just the things that society says we should care about because they supposedly matter.
So, with this knowledge, & the knowledge that you get to take your time, what do you want to go out there & create with your time on this planet?
You’ve got all the time in the world QT, what amazing things do you want to do, just to see if you can?
That’s everything I have for you guys, go out & do the things.