Be. U. TY Podcast is Here! The podcast that will help you unveil your authentic self so you can show the world who you are confidently. In today’s episode, our host Adozie Duffy talks about understanding how our brain actually works, as it will make it easier for us to take a look at any situation in life with a clear mind.
“As captain of these wild boats, you have the duty of managing these two sides of yourself so that you can steer yourself in a direction of your choice intentionally.”
“When you are aware, you put the same weight into everything your primitive brain has to say, as you would your prefrontal cortex.”
“All information was good information because it was coming from inside the house inside the team, but when you stop and assign positions to these crewmates, you have the opportunity to stay on course with the ship, much more successfully, and honestly, much less dramatically.”
“What I want you to leave with is the fact that your brain, your thoughts, all the things going on in your head, are not to be taken so seriously.”
What to watch for:
00:41 – The Model
02:15 – The Prefrontal Cortex
03:19 – Our Primitive Brain
05:13 – Duty of Managing The Two Sides of Yourself
06:45 – The Analogy
Connect with Adozie
Hey girlies, I felt like today I really needed to come here & clue you in on what’s going on with you, me & everyone you know.
You may remember the episode where I talked about the model, right?
How I explained to you circumstances vs thoughts & that most of us go through our lives thinking that the things our brain is saying to us are 100% true & factual.
And that we use the model to separate out when something is a true fact of reality & when something is just a perspective that our brain insists on pushing on us. If you aren’t familiar then after this I want you to listen to the podcast titled “Thinking on Purpose” it’s seriously a game changer & I can’t stress that enough.
Well, now I want us to have another tool in our pocket, which is the understanding of how the brain actually works.
Now, listen I’m not a neurologist girl, so work with me here. But this information alone will make it so much easier for you to be able to take a step back & look at any situation you have in life with a clear mind, & help you from getting clouded by all the inner noise & chatter that your brain is so desperate to get you to buy into.
Okay. here it goes.
We need to be thinking of our brain in two segments. The part of our brain that has the ability to think about the long run, the bigger picture, planning, future thinking, long term goals. The part that has the ability to see how things will play out in the long run. That part of our brain is the prefrontal cortex. That is the part of our brain that can understand that even when something hurts us now (ie working out) the pain now is worth it because it knows that the work we put in now we will reap the benefits of in the future. It’s the part of us that can use reason & logic & that is essentially the most evolved version of us. It’s one of the big things that separates man from animal. Our ability to think about the past, the present & the future, not just the now.
Then there is the other part of our brain. The one that can only focus on the right now, the one that is reactive, that wants instant gratification, the one that can’t see how pain for any length of time is reasonable or necessary, the part of us that engages fight, flight or freeze. This part of us doesn’t do much thinking, it just stays jumping to conclusions. This is our primitive brain. This would be the least evolved part of our brain. The part of our brain that’s been with us since caveman days.
So I want you to think about how helpful our primitive brains USED to be for us, when we had to live in caves & forage for food & run from animals. How that high level of response really served us in those times.
& then I want you to juxtapose that with our current reality, which is like roofs over our heads, clean drinking water, a device you are able to hear me on right now, modern conveniences, general assured daily safety, right?
Think about how outside of our current state of being as a society the primitive brain is. It’s use to us has significantly dwindled, but the primitive brain’s response is still active. It’s still on the look out, it’s still here acting as if there are real threats to us like there once were.
Now, I like to think of it like the prefrontal cortex is here to offset the primitive brain, while evolution does it’s part to slowly phase it out altogether.
But when you think about how quickly modern society & technology has advanced, we ourselves as humans, have not advanced at the same rate. Not even a little bit close. So of course, we would have some parts of us that don’t correlate with the realities of the world as it is right? Like how could we possibly?
Now, these two both actively exist in all of our human brains right now, which means that these 2 forces are constantly at odds with each other, inside your mind.
& you as the captain of this wild ass boat, have the duty of managing these sides of yourself so that you can steer yourself in a direction of your choice, intentionally.
Now think about it, when you aren’t aware that your brain works in this way, anytime the primitive part of your brain jumps up & starts complaining, or starts saying it’s too hard, or it doesn’t work, or we don’t feel like it. You take that part of you very seriously. You give it just as much credit as the prefrontal cortex because before now, you thought all info was good info as long as it was coming from your team (coming from inside your brain).
But when you are able to see that your two crew mates have two very different agendas when it comes to the ship, you can do a better job of not veering into an iceberg every time your primitive brain wants to throw a fit.
Lol, somehow I ended up in the pirate ship analogy, hopefully i didn’t lose to many of you there with this one.
So I want you to think for a second about something that you want to accomplish. This could be getting into shape, or this could be starting a business, or idk let’s start small, how about hosting a dinner party.
Now I want you to think about all the things your brain rattles off to you when you make the decision & decide to pursue hosting a dinner party.
Notice how you have the ability to plan- how many place settings am I going to need? Who should I invite? What type of games should we play? It would be awesome if I could find someone to cater for me so I can just enjoy this party without cooking. This is going to be so fun, we all have not gotten together in a long time. etc
Right, this is your prefrontal cortex, Recognizing that yeah, this will entail some work, but ultimately hosting a party is way worth all the fun & good times you get to have as a result of it.
Okay now, think about when shit actually starts taking place. Ugh I need to call Greg, but he’s always a nightmare to get a hold of. I have no clue which catering company to call, this is going to be more work than if i just would have cooked myself. I don’t even have games, why did I think that was a good idea? What if I scratch the whole party idea & we all just went to dinner instead?
Notice the two very different approaches? One part of you is all game for doing hard things & the other part of you is looking for holes & excuses & get out of jail free cards.
Now, when you don’t know this. You put the same weight into everything your primitive brain has to say, as you would your prefrontal cortex.
& when you’re doing this dance, it can be extremely exhausting & confusing, & in the end, even if you decide to go through with having the party, you don’t always get all of the satisfaction you could be receiving from it, because the whole process to get yourself to the finish line was WORK. Because you were constantly in this back and forth with yourself without you really being aware of it.
Okay, back to the ship analogy.
It’s like one guy on your crew, the smart, capable, & probably very attractive (idk just picture it) & he’s 2nd in command & he’s i directing you & your listening to him & you’re on a straight path & you’re doing great, feeling great, really feeling like a true captain of this ship.
& then your other crew mate, this little gremlin monster looking guy keeps telling you to turn randomly, or to brake (lmao, i don’t think a ship can break?) or drop anchor.
& every time he talks, every time he has something to say, you completely forget about the existence of the hot smart guy & you take him just as seriously as if he’s 2nd in command to this ship.
Like you don’t realize that there are two crew members. You think there is just one & that your only option is to listen to him when he’s speaking to you. It’s literally like you turn your head & get blinders every single time.
& like even hearing this its’ like, wtf? Why would I ever listen to the gremlin he doesn’t know wtf he’s doing.
Because before now, before today you didn’t notice they were two very different sides of you, with two very different agendas, you just saw it as all the same person.
But when you stop & assign positions to these crew mates, you have the opportunity to stay on course with this ship much more successfully & honestly much less dramatically.
Right you put the gremlin as danger watch & tell him like we’ll listen to you when shit is actually getting wild, but from what we can see there’s no real danger right now. & then you put stable hot guy as 2nd in command & commit to taking his input more seriously & consistently because he tends to know what he’s talking about.
(I seriously don’t know how ships work, but that sounds accurate ish)
Because when you reframe it like this, everytime the gremlin speaks you’ll just be like yeah that’s cute, but we’re listening to hot capable one right now, but I appreciate your input.
& the thing is, this is just how we’re built. Like this is where the human brain is at. Maybe in like 1000s of years people will look back on us & our culture of social media & partying & television watching & be so fucking confused because the instant gratifcation, avoid pain, seek pleasure part of us has long evolved out of them.
But for now, this is where we are.
& why it’s so important to even point that out, is so that you know that nothing has gone wrong when little gremlin man speaks up & there’s never going to be a time that we throw him overboard. For whatever reason he’s here, & he’s always going to be here, so we shouldn’t dwell on his presence, we should just treat him like a watch dog who barks when he hears a loud noise instead of treating him like a fellow navigator.
Does this make sense, Gals? Can you see how much you’ve been giving the wheel over to the gremlin without even realizing it, & how this is what leads to you either going round in circles, or worse just flipping a u turn & going right back to where you came from?
It’s not intentional, because seriously both of these guys think they are doing something for you.
It’s not intentional that the gremlin is sabotaging you, he just doesn’t know any better. From his perspective, anything to keep us exactly where we are or exactly where we’ve been is better because to him safety is the known.
Even if the known is a bunch of bullshit.
& the hot capable one doesn’t know that the gremlin doesn’t know what he’s doing. So he hands the wheel over everytime & then looks back up & is like huh, I guess we gotta start over again didn’t realize we were so off track.
& back & forth in this little dance, until you take over & start being the fucking captain of this shit show ship already!
So anyways enough of this analogy. What I want to leave you with, is the fact that your brain, your thoughts, all the things going on in your head, or not to be taken so seriously.
No seriously, like yes you are smart & you are capable & you are amazing.
But we all just be stupid out here ya know?
The human experience is a shit show & the fact you’re trying to make it so that it’s not is what’s actually causing you the most pain & suffering & stress & exhaustion.
None of this matters & like in a good way. Becaused seriously 1000s of years from now people are going to be looking at all this content & all these books & all these podcasts, & they’re just gonna be like what?
Because it’s gunna be all the hot capable captains 10Xed who can see how much we’re all being jerked around by our dumb little gremlins & their gunna have no clue why we even bothered.
& you know what, that’s super relieving to me, because I dont know what the fuck I’m doing out here & that’s cool with me.
So I’m going to do my best to notice when it’s the gremlin barking & I’m going to take back over the wheel of the ship & I’m just going to start from where we’re at.
I’m going to do the next best thing i can, without flipping out over the fact that we were listening to the gremlin when we should have been listening to he hot guy.
I’m not gunna make that problem, & I’m just gunna assume this ship WILL get off course. Because it will, that’s where we’re at as human kind.
& I don’t have to waste any time or energy dwelling, I’m just going to try my best to notice when I’m acting out of fear, & stress & anxiety & then walk myself over to give the wheel back to hot guy.
No worries, this is just what the process looks like. A mess, but if you see it that way, it’s actually just ridiculous & hilarious.
So that’s where I’ll leave you gals today, don’t take your thoughts so seriously, we’re like half evolved & that’s not our fault.
& i’ll speak to you next week (;