Be. U. TY Podcast is Here! The podcast that will help you unveil your authentic self so you can show the world who you are confidently. In today’s episode, our host Adozie Duffy talks about why you are unsatisfied. Once you understand that your thoughts have so much more control over how we feel and how we get in touch with our brain and mental awareness, you will realize how much you are lacking body awareness. In this episode we will look into the concept of being in touch with your body and having the flowing connection into your mind.
“ The reason why so many of us are unsatisfied in life is because so many of us are disconnected from our bodies because we were literally taught to value our minds above everything else. “
“ If we had been taught about femininity, just the same as masculinity, we would understand that relaxing is also a very useful way to use our energy. Being active and productive is just one way to burn energy.”
“Notice how the feminine qualities are often seen as lesser and the masculine are so valued that even when someone is using them to a fault, it is still hard for people to admit that it might be negative.”
“So many of us feel disconnected from our true purpose, because we’re living in a world that tells us the masculine should be enough to fulfill us. Even though it goes against so many of our own personal experiences. So instead of questioning the system we question ourselves, and we do this because the force is so strong and the values are so ingrained that we feel it’s easier to just assume that we are crazy or misinformed, than to spend our entire lives fighting.”
What to watch for:
00:21 – Your new name is Beauties
01:19 – The body didn’t get enough attention
04:32 – The reason why so many of us are unsatisfied in life
05:17 – The feminine
08:45 – Femininity
10:22 – The balance of masculine and feminine energies
12:59 – The reason why so many women feel like there is something missing
14:25 – The world was created for both
Connect with Adozie
Welcome to Be U, Thank You.
The podcast designed to help you get in touch with your authentic self so you can own her & love her.
Here’s your host – feminine embodiment & sensuality coach, USC Marshall School of Business Graduate, Burlesque Dancer & my beautiful wife – Adozie Duffy
Okay so this is a topic I’ve been wanting to bring to the forefront for a while because I feel like once you get to the point where you understand that your thoughts cause your feelings & things don’t just happen at random, & that we have so much more control over how we feel & show up in any given situation & basically the role that our brain plays in making us happy and simultaneously driving us crazy.
Once I really truly grasped that concept, I always felt like the body didn’t get enough attention.
Maybe that’s because I’ve been dancing my whole life, so before I knew how to control my feelings and emotions, I was at least intellectually aware that dancing was an outlet for me.
& I think most of us are pretty familiar with the idea that we all need some kind of outlet to express ourselves in order to stay a sane human.
I mean do we all actively & consistently tap into this outlet as much as we should? Probably not, but at least the concept isn’t really foreign to most of us. It makes sense.
But when I started to really understand that the only thing a feeling is, is a sensation in my body, it got me thinking about how little attention we actually pay to our body on the daily.
Well you know, outside of picking it apart, or wanting it to look a different way..
After I got in touch with my brain & my mental awareness, I realized how much I lacked awareness of my body.
Of what things actually felt like to me. & what the world actually feels like to me as described by my body.
the more I looked into this concept, of being in touch with the body & having that open and flowing connection from it to my mind, it led me to an interesting topic that I hadn’t realized was so intertwined with my worldview.
& I feel like it was essentially the missing link that made the full scope of my humanity line up & make sense to me.
Lmao, wow yes that was very dramatic. But it really was like that for me, It felt like I had arrived. & I had discovered something, but really more than anything just uncovered all of the things in the way & got back to my roots that I didn’t even realize were way down in there.
So the reason so many of us are disconnected from our bodies is that we are taught to value our minds above all else. But the minds, and logic, are masculine values. They are the way of the masculine. Using logic and reason well before ever bothering to consider the emotional aspect of anything.
So when you grow up in a patriarchal society, that’s where the emphasis is put on how all of us should divvy up our time, and the priority we are given about what we should focus our energy on.
& it’s not that it’s wrong to do this, it’s just that it is incredibly unbalanced. Because we aren’t just a mind. Not even close, right? We are also the body. But guess what the body is attached to? The feminine!! & guess what a patriarchal society does NOT put emphasis on? (That’s right, you guessed it, the feminine!)
& we are all made up of both. Both the mind & the body, both the masculine & the feminine, but one ½ of it has been so conveniently left out!
The fucking feminine.
& I feel like this term has been so hijacked that most of us either roll our eyes when we hear about it or cringe because it makes it feels a little corny right?
Especially the way people have been talking about it as a tool to like attract rich men, lol I still see where they’re coming from, but that’s not really what I’m talking about where today. I’m talking about femininity in the way that we as women relate to ourselves & our womanhood. In a way of us understanding what it means to be a woman just as we are. Not in relation to a man, or a child, or our place in society. But exploring femininity as a way of understanding what we want our role & relationship to ourselves to be like & where we find our innate purpose as a human.
Like I had to start looking to what did it mean to be in touch with my naturalness before I started doing the patriarchy dance?
Because we are raised in patriarchal society we put the masculine on a pedestal & both men AND women, are taught to seek out & value masculine traits far above anything else.
So that’s where we get the idea that productivity, and the go, go & hustle mentality is the best way of doing things.
& the hyperfocus on masculinity as a virtuous quality for all of us to pursue, is actually what is causing so many of us to feel depleted.
We are constantly on this hamster wheel meanwhile most of us have this inkling that it’s not enough, but we can’t get off of it!
We all know intellectually that life wasn’t made just for work, but there isn’t necessarily a place in society where this can actually happen. So a lot of us feel trapped, but can’t necessarily pinpoint why, or where we should get off of this ride.
& we do get some joy out of it, it’s not that it’s all bad, but it definitely doesn’t feel quite fulfilling enough to sustain itself.
& don’t get me started on the guilt & shame that seeps into our leisure time, because we have been conditioned to literally believe that any part of our life that isn’t productive is a waste.
But if we had been taught about femininity just the same as masculinity, we would understand that relaxing is ALSO a very useful way to use our energy.
Being active & productive is just one way to burn energy, it isn’t that we are either active or that we are dead, right?
Even if you are just lounging on the couch, you still need to sleep after the day is done.
We have this horrible misconception that if we aren’t on the go, we are conserving all of our energy to use later for more going power, but if that were true, then a day of laying around would translate into two days without needed sleep.
Taking a passive role in your life is just as energy-consuming as being active. It’s just a different kind of energy that has its own time, place & use. We’ve just been taught that it is morally wrong to be horizontal for any given period of time that we have completely disconnected from the value that can be found in taking a passive approach in our life at times.
An example of this is being self-reflective. We may spend the majority of our day taking action doing, but then if we spend the evening reflecting on the day’s actions, and what results in it did or didn’t give, how we affected those around us, and what role we played in our day, we are still exerting energy, it is just a different kind of energy. It is us enacting the receiving part of us instead of the giving.
This to me is a balance of the masculine and feminine energies. & of course, this is one of many examples that we can find once we start opening ourselves up to the idea that we weren’t just made to do. We were also made to be.
& Every human being needs both to feel whole.
But in a patriarchal society, feminine energy has been so devalued, many of us are resistant to partaking in it. Things like laziness, being emotional, being slow are all negative terms derived from doing things with the feminine in mind.
The feminine is nature, it is the way of doing things in the right time.
The masculine is man-made, it is the way of doing things as quickly as possible.
The masculine is logical
The feminine is intuitive
The masculine is assertive
The feminine is the receptive
The masculine is task-oriented
The feminine is relationship-oriented
The masculine is thinking
The feminine is feeling
Neither of these practices is better than the other, yet even as I list them, you can see how as a society there is one that we value over the other.
Notice how the feminine qualities are often seen as lesser than, and the masculine are so valued that even when someone is using them to a fault, it is still hard for people to admit that it might be negative.
Right? Imagine someone who works nonstop, even if it is too much, there is hardly ever a negative connotation associated with it.
Or a man that speaks his opinion more than he listens, he is seen as strong, and even if it’s not preferred, it isn’t inherently negative.
It’s like the masculine gets a pass no matter what, it’s almost impossible to be too masculine in terms of what is seen as bad behavior.
Meanwhile just temporarily exhibiting any of the feminine qualities is seen as a bad thing or at the very least a weakness. & that’s for either gender!
& this is not a coincidence, yes? The reason we have devalued feminine qualities is to disempower women.
But in doing so, what we have left is a very unbalanced world & a lot of left out people. Because now women feel like they have to obtain every masculine quality to be valued and men don’t want to touch femininity with a stick.
This is literally ridiculous because we need both to be whole. We need the attacking qualities just as much as we need the peace-making qualities. & we should all be able to ebb & flow between the two to land ourselves the kind of balance that feels personally right for us.
& this is actually a really big reason why so many women feel like there is something missing because we’ve been taught that what we have to offer is worthless.
We’ve been taught to manipulate our tendencies to fit that of a society that values the masculine, no matter how unnatural it is for us to do so.
Look, even the naturally masculine of men could benefit from inhabiting their feminine side, so just imagine how much we women are missing out on when we completely deny this side of ourselves? Of our true nature?
When we are literally taught that parts of us are disgusting, or need to be hidden away.
That anytime we are expressing ourselves or feel the need to cry we are being too emotional.
That we are hysterical just for being us.
That type of collective shame & hiding runs DEEP. & It’s why so many of us feel disconnected from our true purpose.
Because we are living in a world that tells us the masculine SHOULD BE ENOUGH to fulfill us. Even though it goes against so many of our personal experiences.
So instead of questioning the system, we question ourselves. & we do this because the force is so strong and the values are so ingrained, that we feel it is easier to just assume that we are crazy or misinformed than to spend our entire lives fighting.
& so I want you to understand that literally the world was created for both.
It’s just that society has taken such a hold on all of us, we have gotten extremely disconnected from that truth.
& I’m not saying quit your job, or stop doing anything productive, I’m just saying what if you could start by trying to value both equally?
What if you didn’t have to assume that anything that wasn’t actively advancing you forward was still good for you?
What if you could believe that pampering & nurturing & self-care was just important as working?
How much more full of a life could you have if you allowed the feminine to play its role without you rolling your eyes at her or trying to hurry her along?
How much more of yourself would you be able to accept if you weren’t fighting down your emotions & intuition?
This denial of an entire ½ of yourself is seeping into your life in so many ways you’ve yet to notice, and it’s having a lasting impact on your experience of the world.
You are missing out on ½ of the whole atm, which is a little depressing, but also it means there is so much juiciness to uncover about yourself & so much more pleasure to be found in your world for you to grab onto. & that to me just sounds like an amazing way to spend my time as a woman. Finding out about all the shit they were too scared to tell me about & embracing tf out of it.
That’s everything I have for you Beauties, I’ll talk to you next week!